Yes, that is it. I've reached 20 years old completely. Well, that is not something to be bragged on as I'm getting older. For the twentieth time in celebrating birthday, this time is the most sadistic birthday. Why? Because there is no cake, no special food and no present at all. The day seems like the other days. Nothing is different except the date. I don’t even meet anyone to celebrate. Family, they knew about today but everyone seems so busy with their own business. Why birthday is important to me? Because I don’t really have another reason to celebrate myself and make people actually wish good things to me instead of talking behind my back. To be honest, I wish that I was not born. At this very age, I started thinking about past, about what I have done, about everything, not to mention the silly things and not-so-much achievements that I achieved. All disappointments, tears and sweats I spent. 

I know there will be some people who might get mad when they read this but this is what I feel. At this age, I'm tired and weary. I know there are a lot more things to do, a lot more to explore but I feel useless. I can’t do anything. I can’t afford the price for the risk taken. The real reason for me to write this is because I see people get tired of me; they can’t see me anymore saying I've changed. Yes, I admitted it, I can’t stay at the same point but same goes to them. I can’t afford the price of losing people. If I am not born, I don’t need to live in vain. By the way, I figured out that Mark Twain died on this date. Too bad for a birthday speech isn't it? Well, that’s for this year’s birthday.

First of all, my grateful to Allah the Almighty, for letting me breathe until this moment, for giving me a good life, good religion, good grades, good food, good people and other good thing. Seriously You had given me more than I can accept but still I'm not a good human. I wish I can die on my birthday too.

Next, to my mom and dad (eventhough I doubted that he remember my birthday), thank you for raising me up, giving food and shelter, educated me to be a decent human eventhough I'm not that decent. Well, at least Mom remembered my birthday because she gave birth to me, thank you. I wish you can get me a cake or at least cook my favourite food.

To my sister, who don’t even bother to say anything (she wished pretty late), she only care about Luhan's birthday on 20^th, I will forget wish your birthday at the very last minute too.

To my special friend, Rachel, who shared today with me, happy birthday and many happy returns. I hope you can achieve your goals in your life and I’ll send a request to you later. I wish you will not forget me as a friend.

To my friends, thank you for the birthday wishes. To Ummul, who accidentally sent a message on 20^th April, Afnee, who wished an hour early and a picture of cockroach cake, Yasmin and Anis, sharply on midnight eventhough I’m sure I was born at noon. Dayah, who wished about 8 hours late because she thought today is 20^th, well, I’ll make sure you treat me next time you see me and get your birthday wish at 11.59 p.m., to Bulat, Fatin Nadzerah, Aiman…everyone that wished (too much to mention, sorry), thank you very much for the good wishes. Well, actually, all thanked to Facebook because it has a birthday reminder. Just joking. To people that actually forget, well, I’ll try to make sure that I forget your birthday too. Again I’m joking.

To my lecturers, I wish you can give me good grades for my final examination.

To myself, live your life bravely and do not cry. Be brave and treat people nicely. Don’t be a moron.

That’s enough for today. Until the next birthday come.

p/s: Sorry for grammar mistakes and I wish I have a birthday cake and a present next time. I thought you will wish a happy birthday but nothing comes up. Perhaps because of you forget or you don’t know? Well then, trouble will trouble you.

“The palm trees stalking like deliberate giants

For my birthday, and all the hot adolescent memories

Seen through a screen of water . . .

I can't believe time goes by so fast.

I'm 20 years old in April and finally

I have wishes to God that I'd like to pray.

I thank God for the gift of life.

My mind, ears, and eyes are open wide

Because of His unwavering support and guide.

I know I can never repay His greatest love.

Today is my birthday; a new day has come

This better for me than it will be for some

To those who are suffering, know I wish you peace

May the light of morning bring needed released

From dawn until evening, I pray you will find

A never ending path of sweet memories in mind

This may be my hour and my time to shine

Yet, on this, my birthday, know your heart is mine.

Today is my birthday; I’m grateful, you see

I welcome each challenge this year offers me

Through hardship I’ve traveled; I’ve conquered in stride

With the grace of God evermore at my side

Each day of my life forms good fortune, anew

A handwritten chapter of dreams I pursue

And so, as I wake to greet twenty-eight years

I look not in sorrow, but with happy tears.

Today is my birthday and this is my prayer

I wish mounds of love to my friends everywhere

For you have stood by me, through thick and through thin

And I know you would do the same, yet again

I wish you blue skies filled with sunshine galore

And pray that warm tidings are near to your door

I may now be older, but I feel so blessed

To have you, my friends, for indeed, you’re the best.

In silent prayers,

I thank God for the answers

To my birthday wishes.

For my birthday thrust into the adult and actual:

Expected to perform the action, not to ponder

The reality beyond the fact,

The man is standing upright in the dream.”

Credit: “Today is My Birthday” by Jill Eisnaugle’s Poetry Collection, “Poem for My Twentieth Birthday” by Kenneth Koch and "My Birthday Wishes" by Alon Calinao Dy