I do make reflections. A lot of it.
And that makes me think a lot, more than usual.
What have I done to be paid like this?
What wrong had I done to be punished like this?
Am I not that blessed?

But more and more,
I never put the blame on anyone else.
Not on others.
Not on Allah, the Almighty.
Perhaps He has something for me after the rain?
I blame on myself.
Everything is my fault.

To live to this seconds,
Really make me have a deep thought.
To feel loved, I have to pay for a higher price than other.
But than, it is still my fault for not asking for discount.
But why do I have to pay to be loved?
Why?

When I read those stories of love in family, friendship, society,
I do thought, does those things exist?
It seems a fantasy, a big lie.
Cause what?
I never felt those things.
Zero.