Thoughts of an Ugly Broken Heart
Friday, December 17, 2010
by ~WhyPiggieWhy
Thoughts of an Ugly Broken Heart
Throat lumped holding back the tears swelling in my eyes.
The taste of unshed tears in my mouth.
Head in a swirling, spiraling boggle
bewildered beyond belief.
Head and heart might explode if I don't cry.
Which one will explode first?
Guess we'll find out soon enough.
Tears leak out my eyes
as my inner will to survive defies me.
The tears start and won't stop
until I slip unconsciously into deep sleep.
I guess it's for the best.
Everything seems better in the morning.
The tears and thoughts disappear in the day
only to reappear as a reoccurring nightmare at night.
Throat lumped once again.
The cycle continues
and continues again.
I won't cry you a river.
I will cry myself an ocean.
Why cry for you if you don't cry for me?
I cry for myself.
I can live without you
but I cannot live without myself.
I won't cry for someone that may not be here forever.
I cry for me because I'm not going anywhere.
Why should I cry for you
when I know I can't change you?
In fact,
just like how I won't cry for you,
I won't change you.
I will leave your river bare and empty
as I cry my own ocean.
Let the tears rain down
drenching and drowning my heart in sadness.
Let the current take it away
so that it can hurt no more.
Let it die
so it can no longer love in vain.
My heart dropped from my chest to my stomach.
Floating in the acid.
My body starts to numb
starting in my spine and easing its way up my back to my neck.
I shiver from the cold numbing.
The echoe from my throbbing headache takes the place of my heart pounding.
My stomach slowly devours my heart
as my body starts
to melt down.
I can't feel my heart.
It could be because it evaporated
and never came back …
Harsh waters ahead.
I am so unprepared.
I try my hardest to prepare my fragile, weak heart.
I'm all alone clinging to the strange comfort of my thoughts.
Every wave crashing against me
knocking the consciousness out of me.
Crushing me against the unmovable rocks.
The waves are saying "A storm is coming."
I listen to the warning bit it's too late for me.
The storm is here and I'm inevitably trapped.
I watch the birds fly by.
Why wasn't I born with wings?
With the grace and the ability to escape the storm
unscathed.
untouched.
unphased.
unaltered.
Without a second thought.
Without thinking back to the disastrous storm.
"Fly away birds." I say to them.
Simply because they can.
They can fly high over the waves
while I'm drowning in the suffocating waters below.
I watch the birds
as a distraction.
While I watch the birds I am
unaware
that I am entering the eye of the storm.
The climax of the disaster.
The waves get higher.
They reach their peak.
They gather their strength
and hit me with their hardest blow of all.
My mind goes dark.
Blank.
Useless.
The birds are gone
and I can't blame them.
They did what they had to do to not get tangled into my fate.
I fade back into consciousness.
Dang.
My body's numb from the attack.
I open my eyes to assess my surroundings.
It wasn't until then that I realized I was on land.
Safe?
I walked around the land for hours
to come to the realization that I was on an island.
Alone.
Safe?
For now.
I have to get off this lonely piece of land.
But I'm stranded.
No one will bother to look for me.
No one will care.
Someone save me.
No one to see me.
If I scream on this island
will it make a sound?
I take a deep breath to scream
but I feel the salty air cut straight through me.
I realize that my heart is completely gone.
Probably washing away
in the ocean of my distress.
I have to go retrieve it.
Not because I need it,
in fact,
don't want it.
But this hole is becoming awkward
and only my heart will fill the void.
I have to get away.
I will go crazy here
surrounded by my torturous thoughts.
The only way to escape is by water way.
Carried by a current.
To reunite my body and mind with
my tattered,
used,
and worn heart.
To claim what is unfortunately mine.
I feel a storm coming.
The waves become agitated.
The sky darkens
and I feel the wind through my heartless body.
This time
I will prepare myself.
This time
I will be ready.
For any
and everything
that this storm shoots at me.
I will be prepared.
I will be ready.
I will be aware.
I step into the stormy waters
Prepared for the unmoving rocks
and the weight of the waves.
I get a little farther out.
The sky starts to lighten
into a pinkish-organgish color.
The waters start to swirl,
as do the clouds.
I realize.
I prepared myself
for the wrong storm.
Labels: Poems